you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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