i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
