Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
