i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
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