my room smells like sperm. sweet.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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