i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
