I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
