I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Randomize
