I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
