How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
