just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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