yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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