you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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