we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
