Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
