Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
