So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
