What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
