who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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