Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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