She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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