haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
