He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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