On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
