I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
