god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
