i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
