why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
