I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
