No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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