alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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