and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
