i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
