I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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