what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
why is half of my head shaved?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
