he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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