it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize