i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
