Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize