I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So here I am, sexting at work.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
