even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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