My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
