So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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