If that was your dad, he is hot
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
