Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So many bounce houses so little time
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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