yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
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Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
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I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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