i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
