woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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