i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
