If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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