Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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