Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
