well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
