need another drink. this is the easiest way
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
