I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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