i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
