Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
