her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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