I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
