there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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