I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
