Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
