I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize